My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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