Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
