tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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