Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We just shotgunned beers for America
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
