I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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