Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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