I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
