So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
