we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm always down for nudity.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
