first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
