You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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