I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
