At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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