Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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