They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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