I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
