this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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