it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
