I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
