I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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