your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize