I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
