I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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