if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize