last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
