there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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