she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
