omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
