Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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