I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
