we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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