but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
