i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
