I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
