i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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