And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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