no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
