He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my being single is dangerous.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
