i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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