I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
