Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Everything about him screamed your future.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
