Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
