Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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