Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
