I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
