We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
