i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
