LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
