Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
