hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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