Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
