Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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