I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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