Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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