She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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