If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
