CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
