my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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