Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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