You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
