My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
