i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
