Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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